The Stages of Grief

The stages of grief you go through when traveling on a plane in front of a crying toddler . . .

Stage 1. Cautious Adoration. When you find your seat on the plane and you spot a cute little toddler, you may think they are adorable. Their little pigtails are precious and their smile is heart warning. But at the back of your mind you begin to feel a small inkling of dread at what lie ahead.

Stage 2. Annoyance. When the toddler becomes fussy after their brief moment of happiness, you become slightly annoyed. Their nonstop crying for no apparent reason plummets your mood and the excitement you had for your trip all but disappears. The child doesn't seem very cute anymore.

Stage 3. Pity. After an excruciating half hour of constant screaming, you begin to just feel sorry for the parent of the kid. They are dong the best they can to shut their kid up. The aggregated glances they are receiving from the other passengers are anything but subtle at this point. You pity the parents because you realize, this is their normal life. They have to deal with this crap all the time. There is an expiration for your proximity to their kid, but they are stuck with this demon child for life.

Stage 4. Anger. It has been an hour and a half. Every mood you have previously felt has vanished and left only anger. Anger towards the child. Anger toward the parents. Anger towards the airline for putting you on the same flight as them. Anger at yourself for deciding to travel to Tasmania in the first place. You are ready to pull your own hair out.

Stage 5. Depression. Time seems to be moving in slow motion. Will you ever get off the plane? Will this toddler ever be happy? How can they still be crying? Are they dehydrated? Will the plane just crash and put us all out of our misery?

Stage 6. Relief. You step off the plane to your bright new surroundings. You can breath in fresh air and put some distant between you and the horrible kid. You are relieved that the plane ride from hell is over. You are relieved that you have arrived at your destination. And most importantly, you are relieved that you do not have any children.